April Fool's Joke

Sorry for the lack of a review yesterday. I woke up in the morning ready to write a review (well, not really but saying that don't help tell a story), when suddenly my brother got a phone call from our dad telling us about an Easter Barbeque that he and his fiancee was throwing that day. It was at this point where I realized that it was Easter, and it was also at this point that I was annoyed at my dad and his fiancee for telling us about a Barbeque that they where inviting us to attend, on the day of. Anyway, it was free food, and for some reason after being fed, we had to move a lot of wood... This was actually rather common with our dad's fiancee. So sorry about the delay.

Anyway, while looking at my traffic history I've discovered a disturbing trend, by traffic has been slowing down, and very few people are visiting my blog. True, my numbers have never been that great, and I still don't have a single people who has commented on ANY of my reviews, but it is still disconcerting that no one is paying attention to me. And so after minutes of market research, seeing what people like to search on the internet, I've come up with a new and daring plan to increase my view count: PORN. That's right, I'm going to start reviewing porn, and why not? People love porn, but very few actually try to review it. Most don't even regard porn as an artistic means of expression, choosing to instead view it as a crude, inartistic form of vulgar entertainment corrupting our society. Not unlike video games or anime, very few people see porn's potential of being able to tell a gripping story about interpersonal relationship between a man and a woman... or a man and several woman... or a woman and another woman, the point still stands. And so for this inaugural post in my new Crescent Reviews Porn, I will give a in depth review of a 126 page doujishi anthology of Spice & Wolf porn.

Here we see Holo, a Farmer, a Hoe, and a rather interesting use of an Abacus.

If you are able to read this then you should realize by now that this is a April Fool's day joke. I'm not actually planning on reviewing porn, but it will be interesting to see the kind of impact that the promise of porn might have on my view counts, who knows it might actually spike because of this. Initially, I was just going to do a straight up serious review of Maou Yuusha, but then I realize that it was April Fool's day and decided on doing a April Fool's day joke for the review. One of the ideas I had was to do a joke review of Final Fantasy VII and have it be as inaccurate as possible, making fun of the fact that nostalgia can cloud a person's recollection of a game and the fact that the story, let's face it, don't make that much sense. And if you know me, it would be obvious than part of teh joke would be that it was a positive review of Final Fantasy VII, because while I don't hate the game, Final Fantasy VII isn't that great of a game, certainly not when compared to the previous game Final Fantasy VI.

Wait, how many apples was that?

The other reason why I was going to do a joke review of Final Fantasy VII was because way back when Gametrailers.com was actually a GOOD site had provided blogs for all of it's users, I had a joke review for Breath of Fire III for one April Fool's day. Unlike what I was going to do with Final Fantasy VII, my April Fool's joke review of Breath of Fire III was amazingly negative, the opposite of my ACTUAL review of Breath of Fire III, making remarks about how "Stupid" the game was because it like had a Princess and a Thief and they where all so cliche. Of course, part of the joke was that there are negative reviews of various games where the reviewer scores the game harshly because it is "cliche." Seriously, there is nothing wrong with cliches, cliches are cliches because they WORK! Here is the biggest cliche in any kind of modern story telling: The good guys win. Nearly every story has that as the ending and especially with video games, since that is the point of a video game: You are the good guys and you are suppose to win. The issue with cliches comes in when cliches are done poorly, instead of being an asset to telling a story they are a crutch used by poor writers. I mean, Valkyria Chronicles has one of the most cliche plot points in all of video game history and yet that game had an amazing story. Come on people, you got to realize that it isn't the cliche that is the problem.

In case you where wondering, these are just blank images with CENSORED on them.

Lastly, I'm a little pissed at the moment. This is actually the second time I had to write up this "review." The first time I went off on a tangent talking about my experience with my Easter Barbeque and wood moving, and I was more or less satisfied with the results. However, when I went to Publish that draft, I got a error message saying that Blogger screwed up. The consequence EVERYTHING I WROTE WAS GONE! Everything. Apparently the issue wasn't just with Publishing but also Saving and thus Blogger never auto saved my progress through this long meandering rant. I was pissed because I lost an hour worth of work, and you know that feeling when you have to rewrite and entire paper because of some computer glitch that killed word processor, yeah I wasn't happy. But what made it worse was the fact that a few minutes later it was back to normal, WHAT THE HELL!? I completely lost most of my motivation to writing everything AGAIN, and thought about just having these censored sections be nothing but random text or the same line repeated again and again. But it wouldn't be as good as having a long nonsensical story about everything other than the topic at hand, hidden in blocks that most people will not even bother to read. By the way, if you did manage to read all of this please comment, I would really appreciate any kind of feedback... Please?

April Fools! No, I'm not actually going to review porn on this blog, though it probably would increase my view count. My regularly scheduled reviews will continue next week. Until then.

-Crescent, Of course there is Spice & Wolf porn, it's the internet, there is porn of everything.